Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
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