She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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