I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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