Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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