Having a random hookup so left but love u
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
