Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
His hands were made for my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
