oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
