hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
