Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
