finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
