I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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