I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
tequila makes me forget i have legs
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
soo... how was my night?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
