I wish I only lived at night.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
