dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
