he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
