I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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