The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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