Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm like, not good at living.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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