I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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