Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
