You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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