are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
