Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Randomize
