I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
