I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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