I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
