1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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