Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
