When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
