Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
