Ambien. No doubt about it.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
honey bunches of taint.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
