my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
