I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
