Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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