I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
