I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
