I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
