he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
