i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
