A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Randomize
