Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
You are a genius and a whore.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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