You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
