It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize
