Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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