can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
