i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I skipped work to stalk him.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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