i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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