The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
