if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
