the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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