ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Randomize
