I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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