No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
